I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
