This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
