Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
