I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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