i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
