Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
