So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
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If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
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Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
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