Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
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