new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
