the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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