My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
