only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
