I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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