There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
he had hair everywhere except his balls
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
