I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
