Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
