dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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