I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
