Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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