I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
