The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
