I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
that is very illegal...i love you.
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