I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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