Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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