I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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