We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
