You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Randomize
