I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
