I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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