If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
