So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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