I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
