my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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