Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
