i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
