I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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