Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
