If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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