how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
and she was petting her beer can
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
