Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
