Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
