i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
