i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
