I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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