i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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