Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
