It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
