oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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