Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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