I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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