if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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