addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
