there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
