I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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