My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
