If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
my poor anus
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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