Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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