Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
