I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
