i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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