I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Randomize
