Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
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Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
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Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.