You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest