Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
