It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
