we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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