she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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